Blue faces turned red.

I find it ironic (and hilarious) that SJW’s pretty much got Donald Trump elected (okay, that and the fact that his opponent has all the warmth and depth of a great white sharks eyes).  If the filter for his inner monologue worked as well as the filters on our municipal water supply, we’d all have worms.  The thing he was most criticized for was the very thing that got him into office.  Enough people were/are so irritated by this SJW movement that they swung the pendulum just far enough the other way to get Donald Trump elected the president of the United States.  This is what you earned, people.

Way to go (I’m not sure if I mean that sarcastically or not).  Either way, it makes me giggle.

Who you sayin doesn’t exist?

Why do they get to type “real people, not actors” across the screen in tv commercials when the people in it are definitely being directed for one of those tv commercial dealies? Is the implication that actors aren’t real people?

Camera locations are obviously known to the participants?  Yup.  Choreographed movements and sounds, suggesting they are being directed?  Yup.  Does it quack like a duck?

Ipso facto…

Just sayin.

Yeah coincidence; as I’m writing this, on comes an advertisement (for the Chevrolet motoring company) where the “real people” all said the same thing at the same time, choreographed like a synchronized swim team, and it’s the second commercial Chevy has that obviously staged idiocy feature in.   I don’t get it.

world(?) series?

The big 3 in the U.S.; football, baseball and basketball all celebrate their championship teams by announcing them as World Champions.  In baseball, they even outright call it the World Series even though there’s only one team outside the USA and you can get there from the border in the time than it takes your kids to watch their torrent of Zootopia.

The fact that the States only talks about the Big ‘3’ is ridiculous, since NHL hockey is played in the same stadiums as NBA teams, and the players make millions and the league has teams all over the country.  But I digress.  Maybe hockey polited itself out of the World commentary because, well…, it’s Canadian.  In Canada’s sport, the championship team is the Stanley Cup Champion, not World Champion because we’re not assholes (and if anybody brings up the fact that the cup hasn’t been won in Canada in ages, I’m going to slap the shit out of you, you know, because I’m not an asshole).

Why are all the superhero’s old enough to be grandparents

I watched the new Captain America.  The movie is supposed to feature people at the top of their athletic game.  They’re superheroes fer chrissakes, yet they’re almost all too old to be professional athletes anymore.

The Iron Man himself, Robert Downey Jr, ain’t so Jr anymore.  I don’t care who you are, you lose the Jr moniker once you are in your 50’s, and you are no longer allowed to represent the tip top of the human form in your 50’s.  I’m looking at you too, Don Cheadle.  I don’t care how beefed up your HGH and baby tiger blood creatine shakes made you, if you clearly remember Nixon and Ford, then you shouldn’t be a superhero in 2016.

Jeremy Renner is 45,  Paul Rudd is a baby-faced 47, Chris Evans is a downright baby at 34. The Winter Soldier is 33, Anthony Mackie is 37, Chadwick Boseman is 39, Paul Bettany is 44.

Scarlett Johansson is 31, and Elizabeth Olsen is only 27 but with women there’s a multiplier factor because let’s be honest;  Lady 30 is Man 40 at least.  For some reason men get better looking with a bit of age.  Only 2 men ever deemed People’s Sexiest Man Alive were under 30 (29 and 27).  The result is far different for the fairer sex.

I guess you could say Tom Holland is the youngest at 19 but that’s because in the movie he plays a guy who still hasn’t moved out, so he doesn’t count.  In the movie he looks like he’s about 15, but only because a man 4 yrs away from Freedom 55 stands opposite him.

Do I really care that RDJ is a superhero?   Hell no.  I’m 39 and it gives me hope.  I may be 3 inches shorter, slightly balder, my arms are skinnier and my stomach is fatter, I look closer to a gargoyle than a Greek statue and my bank account couldn’t buy a house in post-earthquake Haiti let alone the Hollywood hills, but I still have a decade to work on it.

Idoits

I just got off the phone with a customer service rep who was an idiot.  I so badly wanted say to her “Tell me how you got from A to B because you clearly didn’t use what I said to formulate what you said”.

I have a bit of a short fuse.  To put it very mildly; I don’t suffer fools gladly, and that becomes horrifically apparent when I’ll send an email to a company asking 3 questions.

The first one: a generic question.  The second one: an in-depth and pertinent inquiry where I’ll explain exactly why I’m asking the question and how it affects the bigger picture.    The third is a one liner asking something really insignificant.

 

The reply will hint at the first question, ignore the second one, and take a drunken path to wobble into an explanation that’s really not necessary for #3.  All the damn time the big question gets either a passing reference at most, or it’ll be ignored like a third string quarterback.  I’ll send back emails calling them out for not actually reading what I wrote and sometimes I’ll get damn near a copy/paste of the original reply (after apologizing for me being unhappy with their service).

I’d complain, but when I try to go higher up the food chain it’s like I’m transported into a Dilbert cartoon where the higher up the corporate ladder you go, the thinner the air must be because there are all the signs of oxygen deprivation brain damage.  I think the worst I’ve ever encountered was with Sunwing Vacations.  That is a rant far too long for a blog, and it makes me want to grab a gun and sh meditate on the universe and search for inner peace, because I’m certainly not going to find it with the idiots up the food chain there.  Okay, now my brain is taking a terrible trip down memory lane.  I think I need to go take out my frustrations on a puppy.

 

 

The paradox of variety

What’s wrong with this picture?blog What happened to orange and 'flavours'? copy

The white balance is off, there is noise in the shadows, there are both specular and diffused highlights, it’s taken in a place where nobody should admit they eat at.  That’s not where I’m headed.

Most carbonated self serve dispensaries in Canada suffer from a case of mirroritis.  This isn’t 12 flavours, it’s a roughly symmetrical illusion.  Sprite and Frutopia are the only ones not in a pear pair.  When I was a kid there was usually orange too but I guess variety was just another truth we couldn’t handle.

The cereal aisle by my house has only 3 products for almost 30′ of shelf space.  Cheerios, Special K and…I can’t remember the other one.  Cut me some slack, it’s Saturday.  There are more varieties of Cheerios than there there are Baldwins.  I think that there are sooooooo many choices available to us that we freeze up and look for something familiar.  The lineup goes fast at an ice cream stand with 6 flavours.  In, out, you’ve got things to do.  Check out the people in those shops that carry a different flavour for everybody’s individual craving, want, need, eye colour speech impediment.  Customers will wear out shaving razors in the time it takes to decide between all the flavours.  Paralysis by analysis.  The way to keep the conveyor belt in motion is to reduce the choice sorta.  Another way to put it is that the way to get us to choose quickly, yet let us think we chose from a wide variety of options (because how else would you know if you wanted what you wanted?) is to make a a dozen versions of basically the same thing.  We can’t choose between 94 different types of cereal, but we can between 13.  The fact that half of those 13 split off into genre’s and subgroups and exclusive members only clubs doesn’t matter to us.  We can wrap our heads around “Cheerios, or Special K?” even though you are still making a choice between 21 different products, not 2.  It seems like the more options there potentially are, the less we are actually presented with.  Next time you’re in a convenience store (at least in my neck of the woods) look at how many types of Reese peanut butter cups there are.  Some aren’t even peanut butter cups, they are hellish, Frankenstein type abominations that resemble the original in name and package colour only.  There are potentially so many products available, yet we just have a bunch of varieties of the same damn things.  It makes me pouty, that’s all.

By they way, every restaurant that carries just Coke, Sprite, and (if it’s a place where you might feel sick after eating) Ginger Ale, can go out of business and I’d feel nothing.

I’m sure this post is full of mistakes (like writing it in the first place) but I’m too lazy busy to proof read it.  That’s okay though because it carries a money back guarantee.

the Ballots are already spoiled.

I’ve had multiple dewy eyed drones come to the door this Provincial election cycle to try and peddle their wares.  They read straight off of their clipboards like they’re going for ‘lead monotone’ in the class play, then they hand me pamphlets like these:

IMG_1562 done     IMG_1561 done

The front tells me nothing about how this person would perform their job.  Literally nothing.  It’s a flowery bio about this particular candidate, as if they’d rule with autonomy.  The back has a couple of feel-good one liners, but nothing much of substance either.  The top 3 points are basically school yard insults.  The 4th is the only one in the top section that was written by an adult.

The middle section has the word ‘ask’ in there about upping taxes.  That’s just weird.  As for affordable data plans, the province actually owns a carrier so it can get into unfair business practices as it sees fit.

The bottom section is entirely comprised of “We’re gonna give you stuff”.  Notice how that’s at the end?  That’s because they know that the last thing you’ve read carries a larger weight when it comes to your lasting impression, so they want you to associate them with Santa.

Here’s the other side of the coin (penny?):

IMG_1572

IMG_1571

Okay, now these idiots *smacks forehead and runs hand down face* did the exact same IMG_1566 sidething as the NDP.  They actually sent out a whole ‘nother pamphlet with the bio of the candidate and how great she is too.  It’s a large pamphlet and one whole side is pretty much just photos of her (and one of her boss, of course).  That’s a lot of wasted real estate.  I’m not going to give them the space, but I will tell you that it’s a 4 page pamphlet that has a little extra page fold-over that has yet another infographic.  This one is so disingenuous it’s incredible.  They act like they themselves, all other things being equal, single handedly increase budgets and lowered taxes etc.  Nothing happens in a vacuum, and being the party of the ‘common man’ is no different.  They’re inferring that they want to help out Joe Sixpack more than the bleeding heart lefties.   They were able to, and those aren’t necessarily the same thing.  Many things contribute to a political party’s successes (commodity prices in particular).

I saw 2 minutes of a leadership debate last night on tv.  The candidates were literally just pointing at each other from 4 feet away and reciting their prepared speeches to each other, over each other. It was so embarrassing; from the moderator (or lack thereof, apparently) to the candidates themselves.  When I want to figure out who’s smarter on tv, I turn off the sound.  Usually you can tell who is the more intelligent person just by how they carry themselves.  This one was a draw(ing made with crayons).

I was asked by both sides if I would vote for their candidate.  I should note that just prior to that question I had told them that I prefer to learn the whole party platform because I want to actually know who/why/what I’m voting for.  They didn’t listen.  Notice how neither of these parties asks you to go and learn more at their website even on their literature?  Neither of them tell you that it’s important for you to learn about their whole platform because it is rational and sound.  They do technically list their website address, but only as a footer.  They act like governing is a matter of infographics and insults.  I guess that’s because it is, and that’s sad.  I couldn’t possibly have less respect for either of these parties and there’s not a snowballs chance in Hell I’m voting for them in this election.  Nobody else has visited me so this is all I have to go on, but this isn’t my first rodeo so I’m fairly certain the other colours I could vote for will be no better.  I’ll check them out online though.

People say if you don’t vote that you can’t bitch. That’s like demanding you choose between a punch in the kidneys and a knee to the face…then beating you to a pulp for not choosing which one you ‘wanted’.  My vote will be counted…as a spoiled ballot (since they don’t have the stones to put a ‘none of the above’ checkbox on the ballot.  Pussies).

Election signs here often don’t say anything but a candidates name.  No website address; nothing but a name and party.  Other ones just order you to vote for someone yet offer absolutely no reason why.  “Vote for me”  “Why?”  “Because I just told you to”  “Oh, well when you put it that way…”
IMG_1359

 

Are you serious?  I’m a grown man, and this is your attempt to get my vote?  “Well Jane at 245 Maple St is voting for me, or at least the sign on the lawn indicates that at least one member of said household is voting for me, so yeah, obviously that’s a rock solid vetting”

I sincerely don’t get how grown men and women can see these displays of pandering idiocy and actually go “Yeah, that represents me!” and vote for any of them unless they wear a bib to McDonalds, and not for fun but out of necessity.  Everybody involved in all aspects of the things I’ve been exposed to in this election should be completely embarrassed.  My parents have news channels on 24/7 (mostly for the entertainment value) and I don’t like being there because of it.  This garbage is perpetual because it actually works.  People doing this nonsense keep getting elected based on one-liners and pithy explanations.  I can’t remember the last time I saw pragmatic, reasoned logic being put forth by any political party.  You have access to the internet and so do we.  Please use it for substance, and then direct us to the SUBSTANCE.  Please.  Okay, now I’m just getting depressed and angry.  I think I’m going to go play with my kitten because what my kitten has to say if far, far more important to me than whatever these bobbleheads manage to stumble out.